I recall the husband with the truth, the more painful – but more and Sohu-restorator

I recall the husband with the truth, the more painful – himself more and Sohu netizen NYML letter: Blue teacher, hello! My heart has been very suck thing, I feel psychological problems, because I always do some even do unpredictable things. A few years ago, my marriage went through a big shock. Husband and his sister on the good, and two people are still in place not far from home, to rent together together. My life has changed dramatically, and life has turned into a gray one. In fact, in the eyes of everyone around me, I am a very superior woman. It can be said that my family condition is very good, I have received a good education, a family of scholar, work is the envy of many people that my looks and body are quite good, and I have been born or son. But blue teacher, my husband is still derailed. This derailment, I think is a blatant betrayal. But rabbits eat grass Waterloo, he was looking for his sister to go off the rails. At that time, I couldn’t tell the day and night, and finally I was forced to ask for a rest for half a year. At that time, even some people behind the back, secretly said that I had mental illness. But I know it in my heart, but there is nothing wrong with my mind. I just have the pain in my heart and dare not attack it openly. Teacher, we are respected in the local people, I am also a special love of human face, people live a face, so I simply can not accept his blatant cheating. So, at that time I was in the heart of a breath, I swear I will do my best to save their marriage, save the derailed husband, but also to save the lost face. And so, I started a three year war of marriage. During this period, I read a lot of books about marriage, read a lot of sky forever blue teacher articles, and sometimes to communicate with him. Pays off, he finally broke up with her, and particularly sincere attitude, is to return very painful attitude. After her husband returned to the family, our family went to other places to travel, two people also had a lot of communication and effort. But I don’t know why, and I just can’t get back to that feeling. I’m no longer used to it. He walks with my hand, and he doesn’t want to help me when I’m cooking. The teacher is not afraid of a joke, it has been done, but I also wondered at his little sister. Even if the husband did not mention, I always love the mention of her in him. Sometimes, I also have such a terrible idea, I want to be a foreign girl, nobody, helpless, I especially want to help her. Not afraid of teacher jokes, if she would now take the initiative to ask me, let me give her husband to her, I would have promised her! But…… The sky is always blue, the teacher, looking forward to his return, after all, is my efforts over the past three years, ah, now he came back, why did I become like this? In the evening, lying in bed, a person thinking, I feel too terrible, insomnia 4

我用真情唤回了老公,自己却越来越痛苦-搜狐      网友NYML来信:蔚蓝老师,您好!我心里一直有件很闹心的事,我感觉自己心理出问题了,因为我总会做一些连自己都摸不透的事情。前些年,我的婚姻经历了一次很大的震荡。老公和他师妹好上了,而且两个人还在离家不远的地方,公然租房子在一起同居了。我的生活因此发生了翻天覆地的变化,人生也变成了灰蒙蒙的一片。   其实,在身边所有人的眼里,我都算是个条件很优越的女人。可以说,我娘家的条件是非常好的,我本人也受过良好的教育,书香门第,工作也是值得很多人羡慕的那种,我的长相和身材也都算不错,并且我前面已经生的还是儿子。   可蔚蓝老师,我老公却还是出轨了。这样的出轨,我认为是公然的背叛。而且兔子还不吃窝边草呢,他却找自己的师妹去出轨。记得那段时间里,我根本分不清白天黑夜,最后被迫在单位请假休息半年。那个时候,甚至有人都在背后,偷偷议论,说我已经得了精神病。但我自己心里再清楚不过,我的心理一点问题也没有,只是心里有苦不敢公然发作罢了。老师,我们家在当地,都是有头有脸的人,我自己也是一个特别爱面子的人,人活一张脸,所以,我根本接受不了他的公然出轨。所以,当时我心里就憋着一口气,我发誓我一定竭尽全力去挽救自己的婚姻,解救出轨的老公,同时也要挽回那些丢失的面子。      于是就这样,我开始了长达三年的婚姻保卫战。在这期间,我看了很多婚姻方面的书籍,也读了很多天空永远蔚蓝老师的文章,有时候还会拿来和他一起交流。皇天不负有心人,他终于和她分手了,并且态度特别真诚,是以十分痛楚的态度回归。   老公回归家庭以后,我们全家一起去外地旅游,两个人也有过很多的沟通和努力。但是,不知道什么原因,我就是怎么也找不回先前的那种感觉。我已经不再习惯于,他牵着我的手一起散步,不再愿意在我做饭时,他站在身后帮忙。   不怕老师笑话,事已至此,我却还会在心里念叨着他的那个小师妹。就算是老公绝口不提,我也总喜欢在他那里提起她。甚至有时候,我还会有这样一种可怕的念头,我想人家一个外地来的小女孩,在这里举目无亲,无依无靠的,我就特别想去帮助她。不怕老师笑话,要是她现在肯主动求我,让我把老公让给她,我可能都会答应她!可是……天空永远蔚蓝老师,期盼他的回归,毕竟是我三年来的努力结果啊,现在他回来了,我为什么却变成了这样?晚上躺在床上,一个人寻思着,我感觉自己太可怕了,失眠也变得越来越严重了。最为严重的是,昨天开车我竟在毫无意识的情况下,连续闯了三个红灯……我感觉自己于也不能这样下去了,好想解脱!请老师帮帮我吧!      天空永远蔚蓝的回复:NYML,你好!看完你的来信,天空永远蔚蓝好一阵揪心。其实,你现在的状态,恰恰就是女人在受伤到极致后,并且被证实再也回不去了,所呈现出的一种无所适从。   这种心理是极为复杂的。悲喜交加,高处不胜寒,甚至带有一种连自己都察觉不到的,无意报复之后的快感。恕天空永远蔚蓝直言,当痛苦和被背叛,变成一种曾经的习惯后,能修补伤口的,其实已经并非是他能回归那么简单了。   其中的道理很简单:改变习惯比养成习惯更需要时间和意志。那么,现在这种状态下,你比以往任何时候,都需要时间和精神上的意志。   所以,你首先要清楚地意识到这一点,特别是在自己状态尚不好的状态下,不需要对自己的要求太高,更不应该太过急躁,因为时间终会让你作出改变的。   对于你在来信中提到的,对外面那个女人的怜悯之心,虽可以理解,但千万不能去做,特别是像你现在的这种处境,做任何事情,都要想好了再去实施。一般情况下,尽量不要做出任何决定。      其实,你现在的心理完全处于一种特别严重的依赖状态。因为你并未完全从以前的伤害和应激保卫战中走出来。甚至你在潜意识里,还在依赖于先前老公背叛所给予你的那种感觉。毕竟那时你心里还有一个目标,以及一个努力的方向,你会别开一切为目标而努力。然而,现在这个目标突然消失了,你的压抑便变成了没有宣泄渠道的空虚。   不过,我可以明确地告诉你,你现在的心理,完全处于应激调适的正常范围,符合“人之常情”,属于正常状态。但必须注意的是,你需要休息,需要不断地自我调节,需要闭目养神,需要重新思考,直到自己找到,生活中另一个积极有意义的目标!   ————关注微信————   天空永远蔚蓝:知名情感专家,专栏作家。 微信公众号:mydarlingliling   擅长以男性的理性和细腻分析,为情感婚姻生活答疑解惑,加个人微信xiaotiantian060624相关的主题文章: